


you're all that i can see

by Lizzen



Category: Push (2009)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I aged her up a little, Memory Loss, Pining, Romance, off screen non con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:03:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6242287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzen/pseuds/Lizzen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Division's kidnapped Nick and even post-rescue, it is a long road to rescuing the damsel in distress</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're all that i can see

The good news is the future is always changing, in the largest of ways, by the smallest of things. 

*  
When the sun rises, she and her team blast their way into the Division safe house on a rescue mission she's been planning for years. 

It's a surprise, a horrible, wonderful surprise, how well her plan works. She had expected to die trying. 

Nick is there, standing with an uncharacteristic meekness between Kira and a Bleeder she doesn't recognize. He's there, he's alive, and she's found him. He looks at her with glassy, unfocused eyes; he's been wiped and she suspects he's mostly a shell. She knows Division has uses for Movers without purpose. 

He's alive and she's found him and since the terrifying moment she discovered his loss, Cassie is able to breathe easy again. 

He's alive, which means that Division's trained him to Move the wings of a dragonfly one millimeter at a time. Which means: he's useful to her. 

He's alive, she thinks, and it almost breaks her.

"Take him," she orders, and her team advances. The Bleeder is dead before Kira can open her mouth to protest. Nick cries out for Kira to save him before Cassie slams the hilt of her gun against Kira's head.

She stares at the woman, slumped on the floor, and her eyes close as the headache begins. A clear vision lines up in her mind's eye, picture perfect: Division doesn't take well to Kira's failure. 

Her lips twinge but she doesn't smile.

*  
Cassie is fighting a war. She has been for most of her life. 

Cassie is all of sixteen and she's leading the resistance to Division with scores of special people following her lead. Most in honor of her mother. 

Cassie had expected to die trying in her attempt to save Nick and perhaps that would have been a better fate. 

Cassie understands that love is a weakness in war. But there is an ache in her heart that festers, like a poison. How easy it would be if she Wiped it, or have it Pushed away. But she cannot, she cannot say she doesn't want to feel this pain. 

*  
She is always hungry, so she eats his dinner when he refuses it. 

"Why did you kidnap me?" he asks. His despair, palpable. 

"I liked your pretty face." She grins. Her despair, hidden. 

She's too old to cry, so she hasn't. She spends some nights staring at one of her journals, the one filled with badly drawn artwork of a man and a woman tangled in white sheets. The images, explicit and intense, have been coming for years now, a trickle before a waterfall. She hated them once till she realized they meant she could rescue him. Till they meant that he could be saved. 

This Nick, this wiped and empty Nick, stares at her and his lip curls. "You'll pay for this."

Hope could be like a poison too. 

She leans over and eats his dessert. 

*  
Keeping a Mover captive is hard work, so she's really fucking ready for Nick to get his memory back. Her Pusher for hire keeps him passive but costs a fortune. 

She's really tired of looking into his eyes and knowing nothing is in there anymore. 

When she's not planning the full destruction of all Division agencies across the globe and the daring rescue of her mother, she searches for the original Wiper who took Nick's memories. She'd even be happy to find a Wiper worth his or her salt that could bring back some glimpses so she could win his trust. 

Kira's Push runs deep in Nick's scarred brain. 

She visits him when she can, but it never ends well. The technicolor swell flies outward from his fists, and she has to drug him again, rubbing her bruised face and calling for a Stitch. 

After, she'll drink till she can't see straight, but she'll See, oh how she'll See him happy and hers, hustling a dice game, a fond familiar smile on his face. 

*  
A lead brings her to Tzao, a first generation Wiper with skill. He cuts through most of the damage, fingers outreached like claws. 

When Nick opens his eyes, he sees her and covers his mouth with his hand, eyes suddenly very wet. 

She pays Tzao extra. 

*  
He's still a bit of a shell, now. A ghost of what Nick was before. The healing is not complete. 

There are gaping holes in his memory and he's lost all his Cantonese. And she was right, Division made him the perfect soldier, if completely without any strategic thought. Not that he was a big thinker back in the day. 

He's also, well, familiar with her. Keeps close, often touching her hair, resting his palm on her lower back, occasionally holding her hand. She's sure it's residual from his captivity. Kira must have kept him with her using any means necessary, and Cassie's just another woman running his life.

It's better than she hoped and, at the same time, worse than she imagined. 

*  
A quiet night and she and her boys gamble dices with Nick. He's real shit at the game, but so eager to play. She feeds him chips and he keeps playing and losing, with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. 

"You owe the boss six thousand, what are you doing?" her second says, incredulous. 

Nick bets more than he owns, as always, and cheats when she indicates he should, cleaning everyone of their chips with the Movement of a dice from 2 to 3. 

She laughs herself sick, delirious with happiness until he looks at her and his face goes suddenly blank for a moment.

After she says his name, he shakes it off, and smiles at her as if she's the moon and the stars. Caught in her throat, her heart beats, and she slowly breathes out her panic. 

"Boss," she hears, and she takes the dice in her hands, and throws them while looking at Nick's facial expression, a mix of real and not real. 

*  
Half dream, half vision, she Sees him kissing her under the stars. It's their first kiss, and she feels like she's on fire. His arms encircle her, and she opens her mouth to deepen the kiss, to taste him at last. She feels it in her toes, in the weakness of her knees, and in the heat in her belly. He whispers her name and it makes her heart ache. 

Seeing this is a cruel promise, she knows. She's Seen him die countless times, almost as many times as she's Seen him look at her as if he knows all the secrets of her heart. 

When her eyes blink awake, she refuses to cry about it, and she wonders if she's losing her mind. 

*  
They go undercover as brother and sister often, and it's a situation that smarts. She longs for the day she looks old enough to be his—his—well. Someday, soon. 

So, she makes good on the bossy little sister routine. She is, after all, the boss and she's just another woman running his life. He follows her, and follows her lead. 

He teases and teases, familiar and sweet, and when he smiles at her, she sometimes get lost in the fantasy of it all. 

When no one watches, Nick's face is neutral, calm; the perfect soldier. Everything breaks her heart nowadays when it comes to him. 

*  
They get smashed together, a bottle of vodka and champagne and she's sure to See clear visions and throw up everything in her stomach. But for now, she feels like she's flying, the queen of everything, unbeatable, and triumphant. Nick laughs and is all smiles and keeps pouring her glass after glass.

"Your worst memory," he begs, because he's drunk and it's all a game to him. 

It's a shock as she pictures it, pictures her worst memory and knows how real it is. 

"Your face," she says loudly and they laugh and laugh and she considers crying as a real option. Alcohol is a terrible mistress.

"Yours?" she says, expecting the truth, expecting him to tell her, drunk and strange about losing his father. 

He drinks up and looks at her, almost familiar. "Not being sure what my worst memory is." 

She pours them fresh glasses and realizes her mouth is open. It's then that she decides that she will raze Division to the ground and then burn it. Destroying it isn't enough, it must never emerge again from the ashes. 

Later, she Sees soot and dirt and Nick is saying "forgive me, Cassie, forgive me," and when he kisses her, she does, oh how she does. 

*  
It's a simple operation – a monkey and two trained elephants could do it, but Nick ruins her timetable by freaking out, rushing to her aid when two Bleeders corner her. The rainbow flash of his power takes them out, and he grabs her hand before running towards their target. Five minutes late, she notes, but they make up for it. 

Later: "I had to save you," he says when she lectures him. "And don't say that you never saw your death, the future always changes."

She opens her mouth to retort, but he wildly, impulsively, grabs hold of her. An awkward embrace that softens. She lets him hold her, feeling awful as she does. 

"Don't do stupid things," he whispers. 

She tries: "It's stupid to come after me when we're—"

"Shut up, just shut up." 

She aches, pulling away from him, and shivering as she does. He's not hers yet, no matter how close this feels. 

"Cassie," he breathes, and she turns on him, turns away and wishes her heart was stronger than this. 

*  
Cassie is fighting a war, not quite alone, but the loneliness threatens to overtake her. 

Throwing herself into her work helps. Not sleeping helps. Pushing herself to the limit helps. 

Her second worries over her. "Is he really worth it?" 

Cassie laughs. "He better be."

*  
Nighttime in Hong Kong is something she's missed; the cacophony of sound, the promise of the dark, the lights of the skyline. 

"I met you here, didn't I?" He touches her long black hair. "Your hair was pink."

She hides her elation. Each genuine, tangible memory is a gift. "It was blonde."

"With pink in it." 

"Lost a bet with my hairdresser." 

Nick laughs, pulls her close.

"What are you doing?" she says. She counts to ten and her heart doesn't beat any slower.

"I don't remember much of anything," he says, "But I remember—" and he kisses her. 

He's kissing her under the stars and she feels like she's on fire. It's their first kiss and she could open her mouth, sighing into his. In visions, she's been kissing him like this since she was 13. She could kiss him back the way he likes, she could make him gasp and clutch at her tighter. She knows how. She could enjoy this, take this gift. Take him. 

It's would be so easy. 

She's gentle as she pushes him away, and avoids his eyes. "No, you're wrong. Not with me. Not here."

She bleaches her hair that night. 

*   
Half dream, half vision, she Sees him undressing her slowly, carefully as if she might flee if he goes too fast. She laughs, helping him and teasing him. He kisses her neck and she shivers against him. It's too slow, but she's all forgiveness tonight. She'll get him to just fuck her next time. Because there will be a next time, and a time after that, and a time after that. She knows this as much as anything. 

She tilts her neck so he can keep kissing there where she's sensitive. Her hand grabs his and presses it against her hip, hoping he takes the hint. He teases her skin, as if they have all the time in the world, and it's agonizing, it's incredible. 

When he touches her, finally and completely, she nearly falls apart. He kisses her, open mouth and dirty and with teeth, and she hopes she's kissing him back with the same ferocity as she tries, desperately, to keep her head in this chaos of desire. 

She comes against his fingers, a slow and gentle sensation that builds and breaks with an elegance. He's treating her like porcelain and she longs for something more frantic, something hard and fierce like the beating of her heart. He laughs quietly and keeps it up till she's half mad. 

She sighs his name, reaching for him, thinking of him inside her, filling her up. His smile is ruthless, but he nods. And it's heaven to watch, heaven to See. 

Her eyes blink awake, and she's furious and wet with need; she has to finish herself off, with hard, angry touches. 

*  
Her second takes Nick on a dangerous run in with Division, which results in them both triumphant with intel but shaken from danger. More than once Nick begs the nurse for Kira to see to him, and Cassie's hands clench tight, tiny fists that can do nothing to save him from his past. 

She yells and threatens and screams bloody murder at her second who takes it and takes it while bleeding into his bandages. "Even broken, he's worth his salt," he says when she stops for breath. "I understand, I understand why your mother chose him."

Cassie could spit, she's so angry. "You understand why _I_ chose him." 

*  
An undercover scam runs south and they're rushing to a back alley together. She's afraid and she finds herself holding his hand tight. Footsteps are roaring behind them and there's nowhere to go, nothing to do. 

"Cassie, forgive me," he whispers before pulling her close and slamming her against a dirty brick wall. And he's kissing her, with a roughness befitting a passionate alley encounter. It's without thinking that she forcefully adjusts with her legs around his waist, giving as good as she gets and making noises she remembers how to make from dreams. He moans into her mouth (she knows how to kiss him after all) and it's a sound that buries itself deep inside her, making her grind against him, desperate. 

"I'm sorry," she whispers back, biting his lip and clawing at his back. 

Everything utterly hurts.

The Division goons are fooled and scram, looking for a man and his kid sister. 

When Nick pulls away, she can tell his eyes are wet in the dark light. "Forgive me," he echoes and she does, oh how she does.

*  
Cassie reprioritizes. Somewhere, out in the black is the original Wiper who took Nick's memories. 

*  
She's always hungry so she eats his fries when they're in New Braunfels, Texas, tracking down a lead. He lectures her on the danger of being in America, where surveillance is king and security is tight. She laughs and munches away, wishing her lead to appear, to show himself and tell her everything he knows. 

She's Seen it happen, and in this hot, god forsaken place. She's Seen Nick kiss her here too, and she wonders how much she's tempting fate being here; Nick's not wrong about the danger.

If her mother could only see this, see her say "fuck it" to the danger in case some boy leans over and casually kisses her in a crowd of non-seeing, non-caring nonspecials. 

She snatches the last of his chicken, mid-lecture, and he glares at her before smiling, fond and against his will. She leans her face closer to him, prim and proud and he leans close.

"Miss Holmes," she hears. The worst sound in the noise of the crowd. 

"Yes," she says, not looking away from Nick's gaze, confused and sweet as it may be. 

"Miss Holmes," the man repeats and she looks up at him, at her lead she's Seen. And business overtakes desire. 

*  
They find him, the original Wiper, in nowhere Germany. He has to be Pushed to agree, and promised more money than is in Cassie's multiple accounts, but he does it. He presses fingers to Nick's temples and closes his eyes, and does it. 

It takes hours and Nick screams for most of it. 

When it's over, Nick blinks, and stands up a little straighter. 

With the smallest flick of his fingers, the Wiper is slammed against the wall. Cassie hears cracking bones and sees blood trickle out of the man's mouth. He doesn't move.

"Don't let him touch you," Nick says quietly. She looks at him and knows that he's himself again; she finds that breathing steady is hard.

"I need to go someplace quiet. And dark," he tells her. 

When she looks into his eyes, she's sees the Nick she met years ago, the one she remembers, the one she knows in her dreams. 

Cassie turns to order someone to handle the Wiper, to order someone to take Nick to her room, to look at anyone but Nick, to calm the fuck down. When a hand slips into hers, grips tight, and a whisper at her ear says, "Don't leave me," she flinches but stays whole.

*  
"They told me you were dead, they showed me you were dead." 

He's sitting at the foot of her bed, he's still holding her hand. 

"How many years has it been? You're, like, ancient."

She laughs, presses her lips to his temple, ignores the intense beat of her heart. 

He cups her face in his hands and his gaze so fond and familiar, and she can't look away. "Are you going to kiss me?" she asks because she doesn't know if she could bear it if he didn't. 

Nick smiles, with a touch of shyness. "Save the damsel for a kiss, I see. That's why you did it." 

Cassie is all of sixteen and she's leading the resistance to Division and she will have what she wants. "Then kiss me," she says. 

His lips are warm and when she opens her mouth to taste him, it's better than she imagined, better than she ever dreamt. 

Later, he sleeps next to her, his hand in her hair. She watches him till she can't keep her eyes open, and then she just listens to him breathe. 

That night, she dreams of victory. 

*  
Nick never sleeps in his own room again. 

People talk, but she doesn't care. 

Cassie is fighting a war. She has been for most of her life. And now, she's not fighting the war alone.

**Author's Note:**

> The first of this was posted to my lj in 2010, with thanks to slipshod and g. I thought it needed a facelift and some extras (sexy extras) in 2016 due to recently feeling Push inspired. PS. You should read THAT PUSH FIC (google it, read it, love it). Go, now.


End file.
